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Monday, July 30, 2007

Why do I find joy in making fun of Kevin Lowe?

Shoot, I gotta have something to laugh at. Thanks to Darren Eliot who came up with this little gem...and it made me giggle.

Dear Mr. Lowe,

I'm writing you on behalf of all current and future NHL players and their agents. First, let me commend you on your brilliant use of the Collective Bargaining Agreement mechanism known as the offer sheet. In tendering both Thomas Vanek and, most recently, Dustin Penner you not only demonstrated keen insight into the minutiae of the binding agreement between players and management but you also exhibited an astute assessment of talent.

Well, at least talent outside your own organization. Never mind bringing in Joni Pitkanen from Philly to help your power play after letting Marc-Andre Bergeron go to the Islanders, for whom he immediately showed the blue line presence and shot to quarterback a power play. I apologize for bringing up the Islanders, since the mere mention of that franchise must make you cringe and relive the Ryan Smyth saga all over again. If only you had known before that unfortunate trade that the cap was going to go up, your off-season might be so much more enjoyable, with the former face of your franchise -- the endearingly coined Captain Canuck -- inked long-term and begetting harmony all around.

But I understand. Too bad none of your go buddies in positions of influence around the league told you about the likely cap increase. Almost everyone else predicted it based largely on -- I can't figure out how they kept this from you since you are in Edmonton -- the strength of the Canadian dollar. Now those same guys who didn't share that economic view are casting you as the villain. And for what? Making an offer to the Sabres' 40-goal man that will pay Vanek $10M in this, his third NHL season, after Buffalo had just lost its top two offensive players in Chris Drury to the Rangers and Daniel Briere to the Flyers? Weighing in at over $4M a season for the Ducks' Penner -- another guy with two seasons of NHL experience -- who has yet to reach even the 30-goal plateau?

So thanks for the laugh Darren...hope you guys enjoy it. There is more so be sure to click the link and read it.


Jibblescribbits said...

Why? here's why:

Have you ever known a guy who hated to be madfe fun of, and was a whiney b!tch about everything, especially when people made fun of him. didn't this behavior just entice you to make fun of that person more (ok maybe I'm just an ass).

Well THAT's why it's so easy to make fun of Lowe, I mean he's whiney, panicky, and oblivious. It really makes the perfect target.

Bitchany said...

Jibble thanks for clearing that up for me...you are my hero. Haha.